365

I shed my tears for countless numbers. I thought I was a superwoman, bloody strong and in the end there I was in the middle of crowd shedding tears. It felt good. See, crying is actually good sometimes, hehe.

I don't have any reasons for whatever that causes my breakdown. It just appeared. Anyway, I have paint my 366 days quite well I must said. It's not something to be proud of, certainly. But to be honest, I knew I screwed pretty well too.

For whatever joys and sorrow this year has brought me, I thank Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Resolution? Erm, get married! Which only god knows when. I hope another 365 days that I will embrace, will run smoothly. Insyaallah.

Bina

Bina dan bina kemudian runtuh.
Punah semuanya.

Percayalah untuk bina semula, tak serupa dan makan masa.

#22

I want somebody to comfort me when I'm sad, somebody to say it's ok to cry, somebody who has seen the good and the worst part of being me. Somebody who's there when I'm in need. Somebody who's willing to hear my ridiculous story. Somebody that will never get bored of me.

Somebody like my dad. He's always there for me.

#21

In the blink of an eye, something happens by chance - when you least expect it - sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined.

-Nicholas Sparks, The lucky one.

World so cold,

Have you ever wonder why it's bloody cold?

Insanity drive us.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

for the soul.

Past is for us to learn.





Hope, and try to let go.

Perfect weekend.

Kalau hujung minggu kat Malaysia memang ditunggu-tunggu. Pagi-pagi dah pekena teh tarik, roti telur, mee bandung, nasi lemak. Slurpp. Lagi best, this is the only moment the whole family is together, bincang isu semasa yang keluar dekat surat khabar.

Tapi tu kalaulah.

Dekat sini, hujung minggu pun tak ada. Cuti sehari nak buat semua benda. Nangis.

Nak balik for good. Still kena tunggu tolak campur bahagi darab lebih kurang 2 tahun lagi.

Nasib.

As free as a bird

Maybe if I'm just too tired, I'm gonna quit.

Almost six years. Nearer to the end, but my mind and body have limitations.

Perhaps, as free as a bird.

Let's escape.

Little things #2

kopi pekat dan gula.

Dua jiwa yang berbeza.

"Aku orangnya memilih, tak semua aku kawan,"
"Kenapa? Kau ala-ala dua darjat?"
"Bukan. Tak semua pun yang berkawan dengan kau mahu susah senang. Lebihnya mahu kau jatuh,"
"Kau yang angkuh sangat tak?"
"Aku memang macam ni, yang depan kau inilah. Aku memang tak pandai bercakap. Tak pandai bersosial. Ah, mungkinlah orang ingat aku sombong tak peramah serupa kau,"
"Tak apa, kau ada aku,"

Aku senyum. Memang aku punya kau. Memang jumlah kawan di laman sosial aku tak banyak mana pun. Tapi sekurangnya aku ada kau waktu susah senang. Kau seorang sudah cukup berbanding 400 yang lain.

Janji kawan dengan kau lagi kukuh lebih daripada bercinta.

Sick

Trust issues and sixth sense. Which one should I trust more? Care to share?

People are just so not trust-able these days. One time, they are so convincing but the next time, gone with the wind. Don't make promises. Just don't.

a sip of thought.

I have realized one thing, when there are so much works to do. Mind is pretty much occupied. I put aside my writings. Damn. So, my writings are some sorts of therapy. Soul therapy.
Though, I haven't been actively writing these days, I actually observe a lot. Admiring from afar.

Having said that, admiring without actions is useless. One of my friends actually said this to me 'Life is so  not great, if you're not willing to take a risk' . Chances are you will obtain something or you'll learn something.

I nodded.

pulang

cari jalan pulang,
tenung dalam-dalam,
jangan rumit menghala pulang.

#20

I love breakfast with a morning note.

gerobok rasa

Tuhan pinjamkan rasa yang indah buat aku,
dan aku masih tertanya sampai bila,
berburuk sangka,
bukan,
aku menjadi manusia tegar,
tak pernah ada yang kekal,
itu aku tanam kejap-kejap dalam rongga hati.

Tuhan pinjamkan rasa yang indah buat aku,
dan aku bergayut tinggi di laman mimpi,
tidak mahu jatuh ke tanah,
terjaga di alam realiti,
aku mengesat air mata,
rindu yang amat.

Tuhan pinjamkan rasa yang indah buat aku,
Tuhan,
boleh aku pinjam rasa ini sampai bila-bila?
hingga hujung nyawa,
kerana aku tak mahu pulangkan rasa ini.

Tuhan pinjamkan rasa yang indah buat aku,
supaya aku jadi manusia reti hargai,
sakit bila rindu,
pedih bila sayang.

terima kasih Tuhan.

Koyak dan rabak

Koyak dan rabak suatu ruang dalam hati.
Peduli apa, tak pernah serik.
Kata orang berani cuba, berani gagal.
Cuba jaya.

Dosa

Menjadi seorang yang lebih baik bukan urusan yang mudah. Kadang rasa malu dengan Tuhan menebal, hari ini minta ampun, lusa tulat dosa yang sama kita buat. Sungguh menjadi manusia yang terpuji akhlaknya adalah suatu perkara yang tinggi darjatnya.

cedera

cedera salur darah yang membawa oksigen ke hati,

cedera hati,

cedera pancaindera ke enam,

cedera jiwa,

cedera rasa.

Komplikasi i

Komplikasi hidup. Dasar puas. Lalu manusia serupa kita tak pernah cukup akan puas. Tinggi dan terus mahu ke puncak. Punya dan terus mahukan lebih lagi.

Thou art more lovely part II

They said love can beats anything. :)

Banyak

Aku : Kau sayang aku banyak mana?
Dia : Infiniti

Aku suka bertanya banyak mana sayang orang pada aku. Untuk aku sukat banyak mana.

Kadang-kadang jawapan yang aku dapat sedepa tangan,sebesar bumi.

Biar banyak mana pun, aku sayang dia melimpah ruah. Lebih dari dia sayang aku mungkin.

#19

Thou art more lovely

They said you have to share the happiness you gain. But what if my happiness is you. I don't want to share you with others.

ramadhan 1433H

Masuk kali ini je, dah dua kali aku buat kerja main redah je beli tiket balik ke Malaysia. To tell the truth, eh seronok. Seronok pertama bila kau dah cuak-cuak tiket nak balik tak ada, ha mulalah menggelabah tak tentu hala. Seronok kedua bila kau korek segala isi tabung nak bayar duit tiket. Serve you right. Awal-awal kau tak nak 'book', dapat special price. Nak juga, tunggu saat-saat genting beli tiket. Masa ni lah tiket macam goreng pisang panas cakap kau, cepat je habis tak pun harga melambung naik. Kau kalau anak orang kaya tak apalah. *sebab tu nak cari anak orang kaya, eh.

Oklah berbalik kepada hal tiket. Alhamdulillah ada tiket balik, walaupun nak menangis juga tengokkan harganya, redhakan aje lah. Tahun ni, aku balik kira-kira lagi dua tiga hari nak raya, wah hebat kau, ala-ala diva pulang beraya, semua menanti. eceh. Berbaki lagi dua tiga hari tu, aku rasa marathon perkakas raya lah. Bersedialah wahai kaki dan badan.

Alhamdulillah puasa kali ini, aku dapat sesuatu yang manis. Sampai bila-bila pun tak boleh lupa. Banyak yang aku belajar, lihat, dan faham. Dan kalau diberi peluang aku mahu ke sana lagi. Selagi kudrat masih gagah, sebelum usia dimamah.

Till then, salam eid.

*masih berdoa untuk satu perkara yang belum pasti, perasaannya sumpah mengggigil. Doakan ya!

dekat di hati

tiada yang dekat dengan hatimu selain Tuhan,
mengadu,
menangis,
dan merataplah,
kerana setiap yang kamu tuturkan Tuhan selalu ada untuk mendengar.

*aku sudah merasa betapa cepatnya Tuhan mendengar apa yang aku adukan.
*aku sedang belajar menjadi manusia yang sentiasa ingat akan Tuhannya

dia

dalam gelita malam, dia hampir menangis.
rasa diasak lalu hampir sahaja dia menitiskan ayer mata.
lihat dia seperti gagah, ah ilusi optik
manusia serupa dia juga punya secebis hati yang 'kecil'
dia bukan manusia mutan.

tertulis

kerana di setiap jalan buntu,
ada sesuatu yang ditelan,
hadam dan cerna,
untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik.

come whatever may

Yesterday, was a long day plus the chaotic situations at the examinations plus the butterflies feeling all over the time plus the unreasonable doctor I would say. Not that I hate him or what so ever, but hey doctor, we do have feelings.

Anyway on a second thought, I was thankful enough, let's just say bring it to me, I can handle this situations. Maybe this is just a small test to us, who knows at least we are going to be prepared to be bullied by the medical officers in the future.

Judging from the last event that occurred, I have no one to blame but myself. The efforts were not enough. I dragged myself too much on the emotional sides (missing home so badly). Last time I checked, yeah I'm not a multi tasking person. Imbalance pretty much ruined me.

I learned not to hang the hopes way high up,because the moment the hopes shattered, I was the one that obviously. Err, fragile.

I should get going. Buckle up some plans.

pulang

menunggu di jeti, bila awak akan pulang?
sabar, sikit lagi.
hari seperti berbulan lamanya, bulan ah peduli.
saya penat menunggu.
ada masanya saya seperti mahu melambai pada kapal, ambil saya.

imaginasi.

simpan

Perkara-perkara yang perlu disimpan di dalam kepala.

15 Julai 2012.

kuat

Bila terlalu meletakkan harapan pada manusia. Sakitnya tak terperi. Cuba sedaya letakkan pada Tuhan.

Kerana pada manusia ada dinding ego yang tingginya amat. Mahu runtuhkan? Cubalah. Boleh tapi memakan masa.

Dua tiga hari, ruang benak aku direnangi anasir-anasir. Tentang umur yang kian bertambah, tentang hidup yang belum bermula, tentang mereka-mereka yang aku sayang, tentang aku yang semakin penat.

Memang tak semua pun mudah, itu aku tahu. Manusia goyah seperti aku, dilanda bah sekali hanyut entah ke mana.

Semua serba tidak kena, mata meratah nota-nota, fikiran terbang, hati sekejap-sekejap berlagu, kemudian bisu.

*breathe in breathe out*

Sedang cuba melakukan 'surgery' anasir-anasir.

Doakan semuanya selamat.

#18

I need to ask you this question, do you like me?


We don't need reasons to like each other, because just like that we like each other.

p/s : I like you, ophthalmology.

datang gelap

gelap bukan bererti apa-apa pun,
bukan aku tidak nampak,
sengaja aku membutakan warna,
bukan juga aku rabun,
sengaja aku menyentuh,
untuk aku lebih celik pada gelap,
tak selalunya terang itu indah,
tak pula gelap itu selalunya punah,
kerana dalam gelap,
aku lihat suluhan terang.

asa

aku genggam asaku,
ada terasa,
aku manusia ber isi roh,
manusia yang pernah melihat celaka,
sampai suatu saat,
aku hampir melepaskan asa.

rabak

mahu mewarna langit,
warna pelangi,

mahu mengunyah perkataan,
supaya terhadam,

mahu koyak,
koyak rasa tidak enak,

mahu semuanya,
semuanya menjadi.

emosi rabak musim peperiksaan itu biasa, 

impulsion

I'm in love with Incubus. I know, I'm just too slow to discover it in 2012 -.-. The band was formed back in 1991. One thing about those bands back in 90's, they are incredibly awesome unlike nowadays.

Just to list down a few, the bands that increase my motor activity and excitement:

Creed
Yellowcard
Dishwalla
3 Doors Down
Coldplay
Switchfoot
Avenged Sevenfold
Secondhand serenade (2004)
Jet (2001)
Radiohead
One Republic (2002)
Fall Out Boy
Muse , MCR and Linkin Park (I said who didn't listen to them right?)
The Fray
Lifehouse
Puddle of Mudd
System of a down
Sum 41
Train

values

The passion is to create something beautiful narrated like this and along with 'values'. If you know what I meant.

severe toxicity

Let me tell you, a secret of mine.

You should read toxicology while listening to muse-can't take my eyes off of you.
There, we are going high this time.

as white as snow white

Being a grown up woman is not an easy task. You just can't resist to be seduce with all sorts beautiful things. These beautiful things come in many ways. Beautiful accesories, beautiful clothes, beautiful shoes. And how on earth are we going to stop these things from seducing us? No way, I'd said. Oh my, I don't quite remember when was the first time I learnt to dress up. All that I could remember, I used to hate wearing women's clothes. I used to dress up as a boy and called myself tomboy. I was comfortable with that kind of image. But then, I started to see things differently, I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to wear all those beautiful things and yes, my mom kinda shocked. Her daughter finally had agreed to all her nagging. She was the happiest women on the earth. So that was how the story had started. A story to be a woman.

Years passed, and I have become addicted to beautiful things. I learnt how to match making the colours, I learnt how to find a better material (thanks to my mom), but still I'm quite a newbie in using make-up. I don't really fancy make-up, but I love to see the changes 'it' made to other people. Maybe, I should consider to join some make-up classes they made during summer holiday , ahah. So, yeah, don't blame me for what I am today. It's the sense. Common sense that hits me, and I started to change. Apart from the facts that, you see all gorgeous ladies in the mass media. Who won't be attracted? Ain't that right? I myself keep quite a number of so called fashion blog's. And oh my, they are all beautiful, young ladies (a modest one, I'd said). In my opinion, it's not wrong to know how to keep your appearance as long as you are not over-dressed. Besides, people are going to judge you from your appearance, so why don't you give something that is valuable,professional package altogether. No loss right?( having said that, I myself am still learning on how to have all of the above, so yeah, practically I'm no different from other people out there, I'm not a fashionista, just in case you assumed me that)

In a nutshell, this is just a random thoughts that hit me, and I opted to write it over here (not so random, when your eyes actually laid on 'those' beautiful things yesterday,sigh. and because you could not afford to buy them, someday, someday). You may agree with me or may not agree, because people think differently right?

apricot wedge shoes from new look.

platform mary jane wedge shoes from new look.

patent espadrille wedges from new look that caught my eyes yesterday. I wanna this for raya.

tidur yang cantik

kalau kehidupan itu mudah macam bundarkan nombor kepada sa terdekat, puluh terdekat,
gara-gara 'sleep deprivation',
dah macam zombie,
eh,
langsung tak macam vampire. -.-

a beautiful mind

I think I ought to share this 'incredible' piece of film. I was lying down exhausted yesterday, and my hands were clicking through the list of movies that I just got. Upon came to this movie, I decided to give it a try though my housemates did tell me it's kinda boring. She and I actually kinda share same genre of movies, we are more into horror, thriller, actions and so on. I on the other hand preferred actually all types of movies, as far as I can say,ahah. And that includes romance, but appropriate one I must say.

So, I lied down and my eyes fixed to the screen and my that two hours later, I just could not move my eyes anymore. What an amazing movie ever. And for your information, it is based on true story. I have always love true stories. They inspired me much in such extraordinary ways. So back to the movie, err I'm not going to spill it out. No fun for you eh. But please watch it, it's incredible, precisely for us medical students, we can actually drown into schizo's world. At least, that's how I see it. There, now you know it's bout all those schizo's related, I bet the other seconds you are going to google it. Heh. Never mind. But please bear in mind, there are no medical terms, just that the movie full of beautiful quotes ever. I terribly love them all. The words said kinda straight, and sometimes you have to read between the lines. :)

Eh, I want to show you the best quotes said by Charles (imaginary character that was created by John). And I actually like Charles (before I knew he was created by John, I think he's such a nice friend for being there for John anytime, he's nice but well, he never even exist, that's the sad part)

Charles: Nothing's ever for sure, John. That's the only sure thing I do know.

 Here's another best quotes ever said by John. Apparently, for every single problems, there will always be a number of solutions.

Aha, I just love love it, that I have to yell out it over here.

So, go and watch 'a beautiful mind'.

#17

You can go dig your own grave and bury your excuses in there. Even better, bury yourself in there.

P/s: people always love to give excuses, ain't that right?

wondering about you,

There's this side of me of not knowing how to handle kids. Oh my, it's pretty hard when you have to face it. Let's get it straight, I love seeing kids, but yeah seeing is not the same as handling them. And don't get me wrong when sometimes I think that they are annoying. Maybe it's just me lack the 'soft' side inside of me. Err.

And eventually, I come across this thought, how am I going to have my own kids if there's this 'bad side' planted inside of my soul. To cut it short, I ended up with the decisions of having only two to four kids only. Haha. There you go mr.husband. Life must be hard on you if you're marrying me. Or it could be good if you're planning to have just a small and harmony family. Aha.

But, if you love kids, do teach me. I'm willing to learn. :)

#15

perasaan menunggu itu sumpah perasaan yang paling dibenci,
habis,
kau memang suka buat aku tertunggu,
eh,
aku juga ada hal,
bukan semua hendak berkisar tentang kau,
aku tidur supaya aku tak perlu tunggu,
tapi nanti bila terjaga,
aku masih menunggu,
kau tak reti tengok jam?
aku boleh hadiahkan satu,

angka yang ke 15 yang aku peram.

#16

padanlah hati tak berapa berdebar,
padanlah makan pun lalu,
padanlah tenang setenang air,
padanlah tak menangis juga,

alhamdulillah, moga Tuhan berikan keajaiban untuk hari ini dan esok.

bangsawan

serupa bangsawan bersemayam di atas singgahsana,
tapi itulah serupa,
tak sama,

eh, esok mahu mencoret jawapan-jawapan ilmu kesihatan awam dan masyarakat, tapi itulah serupa hati tidak berdegup kencang,
macam kan lah senang,
esok kalau menangis,
aku tahu sudah atas sebab apa.

paper heart

I fold it carefully. Mind you, I have always been extra cautious. Always. But, let's skip that. My eyes were gazing through it. Every aspect of it. I wonder whether I should keep it or barely keep it (give it to someone that deserves it). The fact that someone who deserves it came across my mind. None. What a nuisance. It's just that I could not keep this paper for a long time. Eventually, I'll end up tearing it all apart. Worst, I'll cry along with it.

this paper is my heart.

paper heart.

serenity

There's so much I want to do, and yet it never happened. That's just me.

 Big dreams and random excuses made just so I won't be labelled as guilty.

I have come to one point. It should end here.

Hope less.

I just want to be drowned in my own world.

Words crafted upon my mind. 

I longed for it.

#14

patut sebenarnya belajar ilmu mempertahankan sekeping hati,
penatlah bila sudah dicuri berulang kali,
dan tak pernah pulangkan,
eh.
untuk pencuri hati.

pagi

mata terpisat-pisat, pagi menjengah dan menyapanya,
rintik mentari berderai,
dan tersingkap pelangi tujuh warna,
seperti warna-warna hatinya,

tolong sampaikan

aku sedang membungkus hati kemas-kemas,
nah, aku mahu terbangkan hati pulang ke tempat asalnya,
tempat mulanya dia terjatuh,
terjatuh dan bergetar seluruh rasa,
redup dan dingin,
dan terkadang terik,
aku masih mampu,
sekiranya hati yang aku kirimkan dipulangkan kembali,
itu ertinya,
aku telah mencuba sekurangnya,
membawa hati ke tempat asalnya.

love and rain

hikhik, gelak comel ;)

err err sebenarnya nak tunjuk picisan di bawah,

vintage sangat, ada nilai-nilai sentimental.

oh ada lagi,

diari yoon hee ni serius classic, nak satu?

duduk

duduk dan lihat, langsung tak mengubah apa-apa,
duduk dan cemuh, langsung tidak bernilai,
duduk dan omong-omong kosong, nah serupa mat jenin,
duduk dan berdiam diri, serupa tak punya pendirian,

tak usah duduk, bangun dan panjangkan tangan,
gapai sesuatu,
sekurangnya, ada sesuatu yang berubah.

kadang-kadang bilamana duduk terlalu selesa, bangun dan berdiri.

tanah bumi ini

tanah bumi yang sedang aku diami,
ada pemilihan pemimpin,
nah, aku harap yang baik-baik untuk kamu,
semoga akan datang,
tanah bumi ini kembali cerah,
oh, dengarnya penggerak keamanan sedang menerajui,
alhamdulillah,
tangan diraup ke muka.

 

source

sonnet

You better hurry up,
If there's ain't any move,
I'm going to be gone.
I don't like to wait.

letakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya

bilamana soal hati mula terlibat,
aku jadi tak keruan,
ah, bukan multitasking ni susah,
mungkin sebenarnya patut,
belajar titik fokus.

#13

perasaan serupa ditikam berulang kali, tapi tak mati,
sakitnya,

kecewa mengajar untuk terus berdiri dan melangkah, bukan tersungkur.

15 mei

bila tak banyak pun yang kita mampu buat,
sekurangnya tangan ini menadah dan berdoa,

isyarat hati

mungkin, patut labelkan hati macamkan lampu isyarat,
kuning, jaga-jaga kamu  mampu ampuh ke depan,
hijau, ya kamu boleh bergerak,
merah, nah kamu harus berhenti saja di sini, tunggu sampai isyaratnya bertukar.

#12

simpan hati dalam peti besi,
kuncinya saya beri pada awak,
nampak signifikannya di situ?

#11

hey, pretty thing can I keep you in my pocket, closer to my heart?

cheesy as always.

#10

I don't want to choose, because the thought of it, suffocates me.
How would I be able to choose?

#9

 

source.

kayuh ke depan tidak menoleh lagi,

 kayuh dan kayuh lagi ke sana.

#8

panjat ke langit,
bilang kau kerja gila,
jatuh menyembah bumi,
aku memang suka kerja gila,
ada rasa puas di hujungnya,
selagi tak cuba tak akan pernah tahu, bukan?

#7

aku hirup setiap kata-kata yang berlegar,
dan ketagih,
kalau saja diberi 'super power' untuk menulis sebegitu rupa,
tulisan yang baik mampu saja menggegar dunia,
itu bilang aku.

dunia hanya perlukan sedikit kata-kata,
nanti sampai ia telus terus ke hati,

#6

hati pijar-pijar,
tak susah pun nak jaga,
petik jari sikit,
alah, rapuhnya hati.

ini untuk kamu-kamu semua,
belajar 'kebalkan' hati,

the one that got away

If I were to follow what my heart says, I would be on my way to Alexandria. ugh. I wanna it so bad. Yeah, I need those far away escape for my booster. Eceh. But, apparently, my so called 'revision' class still on going, and I don't have any choice, other than the fact to skip which is a big NO because this 'revision' class is so so so important for the practical course examination.

So yeah, here I am rambling just because I could not join the far away escape. What a waste.

#5

dari mana mahu ke mana?
dari sini mahu ke sana.
sana mana?
diam.
tempat yang dituju masih kabur,
tapi perjalanan itu tidak,
kutiplah tiap-tiap detik di sepanjang jalan,

mahu jadi seperti alice,
berjalan di wonderland,

#4

kita angkuh untuk menadah tangan,
biarpun sebenarnya untuk Tuhan.

siapa pun kita,
tinggi dan rendah,
duduk sama saja di sisi Tuhan.

ada mata lihat dari sisi hati,
ada hati dekatkan pada akal,
akal tanpa hati, kosong
hati tanpa akal,punah.

rage

No. I don't need facebook to suggest you to be added as my close friends. On what basis is it exactly? We did message constantly but then it stopped. It should has never started in the first place, I rather said.

you will always get back to home

#quote : 'the light of love flows out of us, but often it goes nowhere because it's blocked by fear' by Paulo Coelho

you're my pet

senyum sampai telinga ;) part menari dalam rumah sgt refreshing, try jom? 

oh, ini lagu best.

#3

tak pernah kesah akan kehilangan,

kerana tak pernah memiliki pun pada awalnya,

datang dan pergi,

serupa siang dan malam,

tak pernah kekal,

kerana ciptaan Tuhan hanya kekal di sana nanti,

untuk apa semua rasa yang tidak enak,

semuanya pun bersifat sementara,

buang jauh-jauh rasa itu,

kita serupa bermula semula,

kerana apa adanya hari ini,

bakal hilang esoknya.

untuk kita semua, perayau.

#2

kita cuma perayau,
sampai nanti, kita kan pulang ke tempat asal,
kita hadamkan saja,
yang kelabu, hitam dan putih,
mula dan hentinya di mana,
kita sendiri tak pasti,
sampai nanti, hembusan asap nyawa ditarik,
kita pergi,
mungkin nanti, yang tinggal dimamah,
hanya jasa-jasa yang pernah kita taburkan,
kita tak pernah tahu dan mungkin tak akan tahu pun.

#1

eh, kita ini bukan macam hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong,
kita tahulah kita ini macam melukut di tepi gantang,
orang tak hendak kita pun tak ingin lah.
(padahal tak sedar diri diuntung)

jangan dicanang satu dunia, dia awak yang punya,
bila-bila pun boleh ditarik balik,
bukan,
bukan kita dengki,
kita ingatkan saja.

nah, hati bukan untuk orang jaga tapi beri pada Tuhan, berbaloi-baloi.

sampai tua, nanti

ehem, awak sanggup tunggu saya sampai tua?

150 juta dan fynn jamal

oh, ini bikin aku rasa nak lompat-lompat. aku kenal fynn jamal lama sudah (kenal melalui membaca ok) jujurnya, tulisan dan karya beliau sangat aku suka, dan aku tahu dia ada upload kan video-video tertentu di youtube, tapi aku selalu kurang ambil peduli dan lebih suka membaca daripada mendengar. tapi, tapi ini malam, aku terjumpa ini. ah, lepas ini memang perlu khatamkan semua persembahan beliau. dan bila aku kata aku obses, memang aku obses kepada puisi yang sebegini lah. :D

you're the

let's play some game with the words, shall we? :) if only I knew this earlier I could send this to my mom during her birthday, that would be perfect. hehe.

You're the story to my books.
You're the apple to my pie.
You're the black to my berry.
You're the pen to my paper.
You're the teen to my ages.
You're the height to my limit.
You're the reason to my why.
You're the prosperity to my burger.
You're the pros to my cons.
You're the sweet to my sour.
You're the drugs to my pains.
You're the contact to my lens.
You're the star to my nights
You're the love of my life.

So, enjoy. why don't you try some? It's fun.

much love monday

I love : getting much love from the people around me.  Je t'aime. 

persona

kita selalu kan nak nampak impressive di mata orang,
nak nampak cool, hebat, tak jauh ke belakang,
tapi di mata Tuhan,
*facepalm*

sebab di mata orang, kita akan dipuji melambung-lambung,
atau kita boleh kira berapa banyak 'like' di facebook.

tapi di mata Tuhan,
ah itu aku dan Tuhan,
*facepalm*

hidup kalau untuk menjadi kegemaran orang,
err err tak ke mana.
hidup untuk menjadi orang lain,
macam kau pakai topeng, sambil berlakon atas pentas,
oh ini pelakon itu,
bila kau belakang pentas, tak siapa pun yang kenal kau.
kau pilih untuk berada atas pentas,
supaya dikenali.

jangan, (nasihat untuk diri juga)
buruk dan baiknya diri kau,
terima diri seadanya,
yang buruk kita elokkanlah,
yang baik, alhamdulillah.

picisan untuk aku dan kau semua : In ancient Latin, persona meant "mask." Today it does not usually refer to a literal mask but to the "social masks" all humans supposedly wear.







sumber : flickr

misguided ghosts

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Travelling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Travelling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

mode : paramore in action

you didn't see it coming, huh?

To see at some point, some people faced shit, I felt fortunate. At least, the 'shit' that hits me wasn't bad compared to them. Well, obviously, each one of us had encountered shit. That's life anyway. Nothing went well right from the beginning.

Apparently, I read this story of a guy who deeply in love with this woman, let's call her Lisa. This naive guy, actually was too scared to confess his feelings. He kept waiting for the right time to make a move. Days passed, and when actually he had the courage to do so, Lisa rejected him. Not that Lisa, wasn't in love in him but because she had been proposed by a friend of that guy. She thought, this naive guy was actually drawing a friend zone line between them. Now, what went wrong? Fear, time and obviously the friend zone line. Sigh.

On another note, this is a story of a loyal guy. Let's call him, Adam. Adam is the type of a guy not with the charming face whatsoever, but he's obviously charming in his own way. He  has the talent to write beautifully, play guitar and the talent of his own which is being loyal. Unfortunately, through all those years, he never met not even a single woman who's loyal to him. Once, he decided that he actually found the right woman to be by his side, June. But to only realized, June was none other less same as the other women. She called off the wedding when there's only few weeks left. Now, what went wrong? Love itself, and I said shit.

So to come to think about it, there's so much shits out there, in every unique ways.

But there's always a saying, behind that shit, you will gain something more valuable. Nah, I don't know. I'm the kind that possibly trying to avoid shits in every possible ways. I don't dare to take risks because one hell I'm sure of, it hurts.

To be more,straightforward, coward.



p/ s: seems like ages I have not been writing so passionately like this. My love to write has blossomed.

pengecut

kadang-kadang kerana sudah terlalu biasa, ketidak terbiasaaan jadi janggal,
kekok,
sedangkan untuk menjadi sesuatu yang luar biasa, kelompok biasa itu sendiri harus diketepikan,
mungkin kerana sudah berada di zon selesa,
*hela nafas*

komplikasi dan kesan akan datang, mungkin itu yang membantutkan ketidak terbiasaan,
fear and willing to take risk, adalah dua perkara yang bergerak seiringan,
tapi selalunya aku berhenti di bahagian depan, fear.
*hela nafas*

kerana takut untuk mencuba, sebenarnya takut untuk melihat kesannya,
pengecut.

kehidupan

hidup sebelum adanya kamu,
biasa, bangun dan tidur.
hidup sedang adanya kamu,
masih biasa, bangun dan tidur dan masih tertunggu-tunggu,
hidup sebelum dan sedang adanya,
tak banyak pun yang lari.

ini ikhlas atau sebenarnya sedang pura-pura,

kerja aku adalah hidup-Wan

sherlock

Oh my, I just can't get enough of Sherlock. It is a brilliant series and my he is such spectacularly amazing in finding an end to all his cases. Brilliant. I'm admiring him, yes right now. And did you all know that House characters is actually based on Sherlock Holmes. And now I know, what turns me on, a genius,sarcastic man. Enough said.

p/s: I'm thinking of finding and reading the sherlock series. You just can't get enough, huh?

I don't need a parachute

I don't quite remember her, but it was around september 2010 where I got to know and oh my this is fantastic and awesome.

4th april

sometimes you have to look hard at something,
to see its value.

I failed at emphasizing my feelings. My bad. Some people take it as loud as it can be. Perhaps, we are not right for each other right from the start.

Sincerely,
soul of mine.

koleksi cinta

Sebulan sekali tambah koleksi cinta. Seronok. Perasaan dia macam budak-budak yang dapat gula-gula. Misi akan datang, koleksi cinta perlu dihabiskan. Ayuh.

rasa

Percaya? Intuisi, rasa akan terjadi sesuatu. Atau kalau ada tenaga dalaman, mesej yang kita nak sampaikan pada seseorang boleh di 'wireless' kan. Aku, percaya dan kadang-kadang teruja, sungguh. Ulang kali juga jadi, dan aku hanya mampu senyum, Tuhan Maha Kuasa. Jadi dan teruslah akan jadi.

* tapi kadang-kadang rasa ni susah jugak nak tafsir, contohnya bila exam, berdebar bagai nak rak, dan memang hampeh pun

*oh tapi ada suatu masa, lagu sephia-sheila on 7 tengah putar, dan kau ingatkan seseorang dan zassss, mesej masuk. ajaib kan?

deria rasa keenam.

p/s : I love you

I know, I should be studying but well, it's kinda bored and I ended up watching this movie. All over again and hey, at some point I felt a bit sad especially when Holly missed her husband Gerry. It's a must watch movie.

shooting star

Pretty, if the sun won't shine
I'll be coming out to meet you
I'll be there to make you mine

Pretty, if the rain will pour
I'll be knocking at your window
I'll be begging you for more

It is as if you've come along too soon
And I'm trying to fit you in
But I can't seem to find the room

Cutie, if it all falls through
We can piece it back together
I can learn to trust you too

You're just too good to lose
And I can't refuse
So don't make me choose
Between the two

I'm fed up in here
In my atmosphere
Don't you know who you are
You're my shooting star

Pretty, teach me wrong from right
'Cause in love there are no answers
And in life there is no lie

Pretty, if the sun won't shine
Now you've come this far to meet me
And I know, I know you're mine

You're just too good to lose
And I can't refuse
So don't make me choose
Between the two

I'm fed up in here
In my atmosphere
Don't you know who you are
You're my shooting star

Don't you know who you are
You're my shooting star


air traffic-shooting star, go and listen for it. remarkably awesome. :)

little something

There's always little something, eventually.

pintu hati

jumpa pun depan Kaabah, indah sangat!
satu hari kita ke sana jom.
Insyaallah.

hundred days

This never failed to entertain the heart. Let's hear another version of here without you :)

life equations

Life is just perfect when these happen : a cup of nescaffe, cupcakes and a good book definitely!

sing it from the bottom of your heart

the best part of the song is the lyrics.
and the lyrics goes like this,

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful.

:)

terang bulan

apa khabar orang di sana?
kita lihat bulan yang sama
cuma di bahagian bumi,
aku utara dan kau selatan.

friday's something.

doing what you love, it gives you satisfaction.

jika dan hanya jika

kalau boleh panahkan sayang tepat ke hati,
biar terpacak di situ, melekat
tak lari-lari lagi.
jika dan hanya jika.

tuesday's blues

that. that is just irrelevant but so true.

much love monday

love : I love it when somebody text me in the morning. yippee. :)

try this, it's awesome!

sundays

1. When it's a sunny day outside? Step away from the computer screen and go out there.
2. That old friend who you keep telling you should catch up over coffee with? Set a time this week to do it.
3. Those times when you feel like crumbling? It's okay, even the strongest ones do. 
4. When you're done? Pick yourself up. Also, if the crumbling involved tears that had to be wiped with your cardigan sleeve (because we don't always have a tissue on hand, do we?), remember to wash said cardigan. Then do #5.
5. That cute smile of yours? share it with the people you love, and maybe even a stranger or two. 
6. That girl wearing the prettiest outfit you've seen in a while? Tell her you think so.
7. That Sunday morning when you're craving coco pops instead of muesli? Get those coco pops.
8. When there's something you've been dying to tell someone? Either let it out or let it go - ASAP - because keeping it in for too long will drive you crazy.
9. That movie you really want to see but have no one to see it with? Go alone. You'll love it.
10. That promise you made? Keep it.
11. That thing your friend said that offended you? Chances are that wasn't their intention (if it's playing with your mind, see answer for #8).
12. When you feel like you need a hug? Ask for one.


source : much love

addict

this is the result of too much wedding ceremonies. err.