datang gelap

gelap bukan bererti apa-apa pun,
bukan aku tidak nampak,
sengaja aku membutakan warna,
bukan juga aku rabun,
sengaja aku menyentuh,
untuk aku lebih celik pada gelap,
tak selalunya terang itu indah,
tak pula gelap itu selalunya punah,
kerana dalam gelap,
aku lihat suluhan terang.

asa

aku genggam asaku,
ada terasa,
aku manusia ber isi roh,
manusia yang pernah melihat celaka,
sampai suatu saat,
aku hampir melepaskan asa.

rabak

mahu mewarna langit,
warna pelangi,

mahu mengunyah perkataan,
supaya terhadam,

mahu koyak,
koyak rasa tidak enak,

mahu semuanya,
semuanya menjadi.

emosi rabak musim peperiksaan itu biasa, 

impulsion

I'm in love with Incubus. I know, I'm just too slow to discover it in 2012 -.-. The band was formed back in 1991. One thing about those bands back in 90's, they are incredibly awesome unlike nowadays.

Just to list down a few, the bands that increase my motor activity and excitement:

Creed
Yellowcard
Dishwalla
3 Doors Down
Coldplay
Switchfoot
Avenged Sevenfold
Secondhand serenade (2004)
Jet (2001)
Radiohead
One Republic (2002)
Fall Out Boy
Muse , MCR and Linkin Park (I said who didn't listen to them right?)
The Fray
Lifehouse
Puddle of Mudd
System of a down
Sum 41
Train

values

The passion is to create something beautiful narrated like this and along with 'values'. If you know what I meant.

severe toxicity

Let me tell you, a secret of mine.

You should read toxicology while listening to muse-can't take my eyes off of you.
There, we are going high this time.

as white as snow white

Being a grown up woman is not an easy task. You just can't resist to be seduce with all sorts beautiful things. These beautiful things come in many ways. Beautiful accesories, beautiful clothes, beautiful shoes. And how on earth are we going to stop these things from seducing us? No way, I'd said. Oh my, I don't quite remember when was the first time I learnt to dress up. All that I could remember, I used to hate wearing women's clothes. I used to dress up as a boy and called myself tomboy. I was comfortable with that kind of image. But then, I started to see things differently, I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to wear all those beautiful things and yes, my mom kinda shocked. Her daughter finally had agreed to all her nagging. She was the happiest women on the earth. So that was how the story had started. A story to be a woman.

Years passed, and I have become addicted to beautiful things. I learnt how to match making the colours, I learnt how to find a better material (thanks to my mom), but still I'm quite a newbie in using make-up. I don't really fancy make-up, but I love to see the changes 'it' made to other people. Maybe, I should consider to join some make-up classes they made during summer holiday , ahah. So, yeah, don't blame me for what I am today. It's the sense. Common sense that hits me, and I started to change. Apart from the facts that, you see all gorgeous ladies in the mass media. Who won't be attracted? Ain't that right? I myself keep quite a number of so called fashion blog's. And oh my, they are all beautiful, young ladies (a modest one, I'd said). In my opinion, it's not wrong to know how to keep your appearance as long as you are not over-dressed. Besides, people are going to judge you from your appearance, so why don't you give something that is valuable,professional package altogether. No loss right?( having said that, I myself am still learning on how to have all of the above, so yeah, practically I'm no different from other people out there, I'm not a fashionista, just in case you assumed me that)

In a nutshell, this is just a random thoughts that hit me, and I opted to write it over here (not so random, when your eyes actually laid on 'those' beautiful things yesterday,sigh. and because you could not afford to buy them, someday, someday). You may agree with me or may not agree, because people think differently right?

apricot wedge shoes from new look.

platform mary jane wedge shoes from new look.

patent espadrille wedges from new look that caught my eyes yesterday. I wanna this for raya.

tidur yang cantik

kalau kehidupan itu mudah macam bundarkan nombor kepada sa terdekat, puluh terdekat,
gara-gara 'sleep deprivation',
dah macam zombie,
eh,
langsung tak macam vampire. -.-

a beautiful mind

I think I ought to share this 'incredible' piece of film. I was lying down exhausted yesterday, and my hands were clicking through the list of movies that I just got. Upon came to this movie, I decided to give it a try though my housemates did tell me it's kinda boring. She and I actually kinda share same genre of movies, we are more into horror, thriller, actions and so on. I on the other hand preferred actually all types of movies, as far as I can say,ahah. And that includes romance, but appropriate one I must say.

So, I lied down and my eyes fixed to the screen and my that two hours later, I just could not move my eyes anymore. What an amazing movie ever. And for your information, it is based on true story. I have always love true stories. They inspired me much in such extraordinary ways. So back to the movie, err I'm not going to spill it out. No fun for you eh. But please watch it, it's incredible, precisely for us medical students, we can actually drown into schizo's world. At least, that's how I see it. There, now you know it's bout all those schizo's related, I bet the other seconds you are going to google it. Heh. Never mind. But please bear in mind, there are no medical terms, just that the movie full of beautiful quotes ever. I terribly love them all. The words said kinda straight, and sometimes you have to read between the lines. :)

Eh, I want to show you the best quotes said by Charles (imaginary character that was created by John). And I actually like Charles (before I knew he was created by John, I think he's such a nice friend for being there for John anytime, he's nice but well, he never even exist, that's the sad part)

Charles: Nothing's ever for sure, John. That's the only sure thing I do know.

 Here's another best quotes ever said by John. Apparently, for every single problems, there will always be a number of solutions.

Aha, I just love love it, that I have to yell out it over here.

So, go and watch 'a beautiful mind'.

#17

You can go dig your own grave and bury your excuses in there. Even better, bury yourself in there.

P/s: people always love to give excuses, ain't that right?

wondering about you,

There's this side of me of not knowing how to handle kids. Oh my, it's pretty hard when you have to face it. Let's get it straight, I love seeing kids, but yeah seeing is not the same as handling them. And don't get me wrong when sometimes I think that they are annoying. Maybe it's just me lack the 'soft' side inside of me. Err.

And eventually, I come across this thought, how am I going to have my own kids if there's this 'bad side' planted inside of my soul. To cut it short, I ended up with the decisions of having only two to four kids only. Haha. There you go mr.husband. Life must be hard on you if you're marrying me. Or it could be good if you're planning to have just a small and harmony family. Aha.

But, if you love kids, do teach me. I'm willing to learn. :)

#15

perasaan menunggu itu sumpah perasaan yang paling dibenci,
habis,
kau memang suka buat aku tertunggu,
eh,
aku juga ada hal,
bukan semua hendak berkisar tentang kau,
aku tidur supaya aku tak perlu tunggu,
tapi nanti bila terjaga,
aku masih menunggu,
kau tak reti tengok jam?
aku boleh hadiahkan satu,

angka yang ke 15 yang aku peram.

#16

padanlah hati tak berapa berdebar,
padanlah makan pun lalu,
padanlah tenang setenang air,
padanlah tak menangis juga,

alhamdulillah, moga Tuhan berikan keajaiban untuk hari ini dan esok.

bangsawan

serupa bangsawan bersemayam di atas singgahsana,
tapi itulah serupa,
tak sama,

eh, esok mahu mencoret jawapan-jawapan ilmu kesihatan awam dan masyarakat, tapi itulah serupa hati tidak berdegup kencang,
macam kan lah senang,
esok kalau menangis,
aku tahu sudah atas sebab apa.

paper heart

I fold it carefully. Mind you, I have always been extra cautious. Always. But, let's skip that. My eyes were gazing through it. Every aspect of it. I wonder whether I should keep it or barely keep it (give it to someone that deserves it). The fact that someone who deserves it came across my mind. None. What a nuisance. It's just that I could not keep this paper for a long time. Eventually, I'll end up tearing it all apart. Worst, I'll cry along with it.

this paper is my heart.

paper heart.

serenity

There's so much I want to do, and yet it never happened. That's just me.

 Big dreams and random excuses made just so I won't be labelled as guilty.

I have come to one point. It should end here.

Hope less.

I just want to be drowned in my own world.

Words crafted upon my mind. 

I longed for it.

#14

patut sebenarnya belajar ilmu mempertahankan sekeping hati,
penatlah bila sudah dicuri berulang kali,
dan tak pernah pulangkan,
eh.
untuk pencuri hati.

pagi

mata terpisat-pisat, pagi menjengah dan menyapanya,
rintik mentari berderai,
dan tersingkap pelangi tujuh warna,
seperti warna-warna hatinya,

tolong sampaikan

aku sedang membungkus hati kemas-kemas,
nah, aku mahu terbangkan hati pulang ke tempat asalnya,
tempat mulanya dia terjatuh,
terjatuh dan bergetar seluruh rasa,
redup dan dingin,
dan terkadang terik,
aku masih mampu,
sekiranya hati yang aku kirimkan dipulangkan kembali,
itu ertinya,
aku telah mencuba sekurangnya,
membawa hati ke tempat asalnya.